She is obsessive!
I am in love with my soul mate (We are both christian spiritualists.) I spend most of my life helping others but I don't know who can help me. I am 48 , divorced and I have two lovely teenage children who also love him dearly. They know I am his mistress. We are both highly intelligent and well educated. I am a head teacher.. He loves me very much but he is still married to a lovely lady whom he cares about and loves like a sister (they have sex about once in a blue moon.)
He has a 19 year old daughter who is his eyes. She is about to go to university. He is so proud of her.He doesn't want to hurt anyone and neither do I. Indeed over the past three years we have tried to end things but it is no good we seem to be bound together at the hip. Neither of us have ever had an affair beforeand it was something that neither of us wanted.I was married 25yrs and he 20.It is a very strange surreal relationship. It is as if he has two wives and two families. He is an honourable and sincere man. He feels such pain and guilt for his wife and me.
He also is angry that he cannot love and look after me the way he would wish.He now says he wants to be with me (He only loves her as a sister.)and we both (including my children) want to go away from where we live and start a business and life together. That was fine until I said (because his wife and daughter do not know about me) 'had he considered if he left them that HIs daughter may never forgive him and that she might not want him anymore. I couldn't bear that. It would hurt him so much. If he came with me I couldn't handle it if he woke up next to me with regrets and blamed me for losing his daughter.I told him to think long and hard about that fact, before he committed himself to me.
I further said, I would not have him if he did not give his wife their home. It is everything to her, The only thing that matters to her. (She is obsessive about it.) I also told him everything I have is to be shared with him and left to the three children equally. (He is not happy about not bringing money to our life but felt she should have their home.)He is bringing years of business knoweldge and experience to the dream of business.Have I done the right thing trying to do the right thing?
I have told him I want him to make the choices and decisions that are right for him. (I'm not niave and gullible) I have also assured him there is no ultimation. I will stay here and continue seeing him for the odd hours or so that we have together, (We rarely manage any time for sex etc or go anywhere together but we meet regulary at work and church and still manage to have wonderful times together) A hour of being together means a great deal. A lifetime of that is acceptable to me but I just wish he would be with me. Waiting is so hard. OUr karma is unclear.
I hide house and business details because if he saw them it might sway him to his dreams rather than the gamble with his daughter.He is a good kind and lovely man. He no more uses me than I him. I wish sometimes we could both be selfish and put ourselves first, but if we did we wouldnt like ourselves or each other .
Do you think it will ever come right for me.
Thankyou for listening.
God bless
Hi Hilary,
Sometimes we come across circumstances that are put to us that we don't understand why they've arisen, where they've come from and why they have come to us. We are human made of flesh and blood emotions and love, joy and sadness, love and hostility, selfish and selfless, trusting and hopeful, faithful and careless, stable or irrational. the list is actually endless, it does surmise what we are and how we live each day. Im not lecturing you ( but it may seem like it) At the end of the day its up to our instinct and moral judgement that should win us over, I'm telling you this so that you realize that everyone has the same kind of experience that you have, everyone comes across decisions each day and we have to either deal with them rationally or suffer the consequences. good or bad.
I would say that your lucky enough to have had a family and you love your kids too although you're divorced it does make you a free agent with no other marital ties, you've found a friend who's kind and loving to you appreciates you and likes spending time with you enjoy his company and feel good around him, although he too has kids who are grown up he's proud of them and he also has a wife your friendship is just that you must not feel that he will eventually leave his wife and break up his family unit and loyalty that they know him for.
If he needs you as much as you seem to need him and want him then before embarking on a fully blown affair he has to leave his wife of his own accord and not because of you, there's the difference really then when he's free and feels that he is allowed to take up your friendship further then if its meant to be it will be. try and just be friends with him its time you can spend together without the guilt and the stress and upset you're causing now to each other and maybe to the families. Sometimes being friends is the only way to see each other so enjoy the time you have now and if its meant to be then it will be.
As I said before, we have testing times put before us but we have to choose to do the right thing and not let take over weigh up the pros and cons and then do the right thing hoping that it will be the answer your looking for without the stress and hurt that could come with it Hilary. If you cant do this then if something does go wrong and others do get hurt if you can live with that then its your life and your responsibility but remember be 100% sure of what you're doing just in case as these things do turn round and bite you in the bum!
I cant tell you what to do here all I can do is make you reflect on what could happen and avoid any hurt to anyone who it may affect. that includes you two. God works in mysterious ways and if you could muster your knowledge up from within you you'll know what the real answer is.
Regards
Caroline