Contemplated Suicide!
I do hope someone can give me some advice.
I have been with this wonderful man for nearly 2 years, we live together with our 7 month old baby daughter and my son from a previous relationship, he is 44 and im 30. 3 years ago my partner fell totally in love with a girl who was then 18, she promised him marriage and kids, something he didnt have with his then wife, he believed everything and said he had never loved like that in his life before, he split from his wife to pursue things with the 18 year old.When she dumped him after 2 months without an explanation he was devastated and contemplated suicide, it almost ruined his life.
He told me all this when we got together, i accepted this as it was in the past even tho he still cried over her and thought of her almost every day, he said he was crying over the loss of a dream rather than the loss of her.We fell in love, moved in together and have a baby daughter, a child he said he has always wanted.6 weeks ago his ex got back in touch, she said she needed to sort things out from her past, i understood this and i agreed when my partner said hed like to go and see her to talk about what happened between them, i knew he had some unanswered questions.
He came back and said he wanted to be with me and my children, even though he still found her attractive and still loved her. I could have accepted this if that was the end of it, but now she texts him every day and calls him while he is at work, i have looked through his mobile and she has sent 15 texts in less than a week,They both want to be friends and to stay in regular touch but this is not something i can live with , i dont trust her one bit, shes told him she still loves him and wants him, he knows how much this is hurting me but he refuses to stop the contact, i know i dont have the right to ask him to stop, but i feel it is something he should do off his own back.Shes treating him like a best friend and he doesnt discourage her, and we are very very close to splitting up, as we both want different things, he says he wants her in his life as she makes him feel similar to the way he felt when they were together, i just cant take anymore.
She has moved back to her home town, which is where my partner is from and where we are supposed to be moving to in a couple of months time, but i cant even contemplate living a couple of miles away from the girl who is causing me such pain, my partner says my jealousy is clouding my judgement and that a lot of it is in my head, i know its not because ive seen the texts in his phone, but i cant tell him ive done that.We have talked for hours about this, he says all that matters is that he loves me and wants to be with me, but i think he wants to have his cake and eat it too, i cant live with her in our lives and im afraid this is going to split us up.
I hope you can help.
Julie
Dear Julie,
Having his cake and eating it is probably what he wants! do you know for sure he's still seeing her in that way?
I'm afraid it's a testing time for you and I really have to let you know about what your options are, right now!
1. Tell him your sensing that he's distant and that your worried this girl coming back has estranged you both. yes your jealous and you have every right to be he is the man you love and want to care for .
2. Tell him he has to choose and that you'll be better off without him if he doesn't want you around( harsh words but youcant hang around this way and not know what his feelings are).
3. Tell him to go and stop making your life a misery if you cant have all of him you'd rather not have any and then you canplan to rebuild your own future alone now or eventually with another partner.
4. You go and talk to his girl friend and politely tell her that he's with you know and she's causing trouble he hurt alot whenshe left and you picked up the pieces he has rebuilt his life with you now and has a family too something she wouldn'tcommit to, how dare she do this to them now its not only him she's dealing with but you and the child!has she noconscience?
I hope you find the courage to do the right thing I.E. listen to your heart on this and do and say what feels right.
Peace
Caroline